Help

ME

I need them today. It’s been two years since my brother died, I spent the first one drinking  to cope with the pain.Then my anxiety and panic attacks kicked in so I went cold turkey, and started taking my meds, antidepressants and Xanax. I post a lot about alternative treatments but the truth is I cannot live without medication yet. I’ ve been here before, I was “cured” for 5 years and started meditation and did yoga and it helped.  I hope I will  soon be able to start living without pills.
The bottom line is  I am seeking for an explanation or something that helps me understand what happens when you die. Why did my brother died? Wh did he have to suffer so many years? What is the point of this life? …
Yesterday we were about to have dinner with my husband and child, and I told him: “I do not know why but I a feel I am waiting for a call with bad news”. He told me not to think about it. Later I checked the hour on my phone and realized that the same day 2 years ago my sister called me to tell me my brother was in the hospital and to hurry up and go see him cause he was dying. It was sudden I have been with him two days ago, my last words were: “I’ll see you on Monday” and I kissed him. I never so him again and I never talked to him again.
He was 38 years old and battling with a brain tumor. I miss him everyday. I hope he rests in peace.